


hold on (we're going home)

by panwinkdeep



Series: and it's here in your eyes [4]
Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: M/M, angst because i'm feeling gloomy these days, i will add more character in the future, rating may change in the future
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-24 01:57:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14945469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panwinkdeep/pseuds/panwinkdeep
Summary: Daniel loves Jihoon.That one he is sure and he has never been so sure about anything until Jihoon is there.But what if his love is the one that makes Jihoon suffer?Of course, like any other boy in love, he let Jihoon go.





	hold on (we're going home)

**Author's Note:**

> the italic paragraphs are the past story while the normal ones are the present. i'm sorry for the confusion. enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Will you ever stop getting taller, hyung?”
> 
> Daniel cocked his brow smugly. “I don’t think so. I want to keep growing taller, Jihoonie.”
> 
> Jihoon pouted. “That’s unfair. Why am I not growing taller like you?”
> 
> Daniel grinned adoringly at the younger. “You’re going to, Jihoon. Just…yours take more time than mine.”
> 
> “Really?”
> 
> The older hummed. “You know I’m not the one who breaks my words.”
> 
> Jihoon then smiled contentedly and Daniel’s heart skipped a beat or two.
> 
> Along with growing up, he also realized that Jihoon’s existence was so important in his life and he had done the biggest mistake by falling in love with his best friend.

_Daniel was playing soccer with bunch of his schoolmates when the ball accidentally kicked way too far from the field and good for him (not really, though, it was too hot for running and Daniel hated the way his t-shirt clung on his body), he was the goalkeeper and thus, he had to go and fetch the ball._

_He vaguely recalled the direction of the ball, the sun blinding his vision, and took hasty steps when he reached the area. His eyes landed on the familiar round object, the very reason he was all sweaty and tired, before they moved to an upset looking boy glared at him through his spectacles._

_“Uh, hey,” Daniel blinked, not knowing what to say and just standing awkwardly while eyeing the ball on the little boy’s feet. “That’s mine, by the way.”_

_The shorter boy huffed. “No hey for you, you bad guy. Look, this stupid ball of yours flew to my newly bought chocolate ice cream,” he pointed to the ground not too far from his standing place, the ice cream was really there, laying lifelessly and Daniel winced slightly at the tone he used, he sounded so mad. “And now the ground is going to eat the ice cream while me, well, I can only stare at it and let it melt helplessly.”_

_“Um, I’m sorry, I truly do,” Daniel shifted his weight uncomfortably. Despite looked way younger (and cute, if he might be totally honest) than Daniel was, the unfamiliar boy carried a heavy aura on him that made Daniel squirmed just by his piercing gaze. “How about I buy you a new one and we can forget that this ever happened?”_

_The latter rolled his eyes and Daniel gulped. “Just because you rich people have a lot of money, doesn’t mean that everything can be solved with that, okay? Besides, my parents tell me not to listen to a stranger before and you’re definitely one of them.”_

_Daniel could hear his friends were yelling from afar because he took so long to fetch the ball back but he just could not move his foot, not with the way the little boy was giving dagger by his eyes._

_“Well, my name is Kang Daniel. There, you know my name now so I’m not a stranger anymore,” his attention shifted toward the melted brown puddle on the concrete and he glanced worriedly at the younger. “What shall I do to make up for it? I’ll do everything I can, really!”_

_Daniel thought the boy would finally relent and he could get his ball back (because he was so sure that his friends would come to get him if he did not go back soon), but he was proven wrong (not entirely) when the boy suddenly sighed, kicking the ball toward Daniel’s direction lightly with a disappointed look on his face. Daniel’s heart fell at the sight._

_“Forget it. It was the last stock from the store and I’m sure they won’t be able to restocking it for today.”_

_The boy turned on his heels as he was about to leave but Daniel managed to grab his wrist and made the shorter boy looked at him weirdly._

_“What?”_

_“Tomorrow,” Daniel spoke softly, afraid if he made another mistake. “Tomorrow let’s meet at this place and I’ll buy you the new ice cream_ _―”_

_“But what if they haven’t restocked the ice cream tomorrow?”_

_“We’ll going to meet again the day after tomorrow, then. That’s it until they finally restocking the ice cream and we’re good.”_

_The younger fidgeted confusedly while Daniel was waiting for his answer anxiously._

_“Okay,” he finally answered slowly that Daniel almost missed it (luckily, they were standing too close and the neighborhood was quiet, he did not even hear the voices of his friends anymore). “We’ll meet at this place and at the same time as now. Don’t you dare to come late, though_ _―God will take you to hell if you do!”_

_Daniel let him go and the latter immediately left, pout visibly on his face and Daniel really hoped that the store would restock the ice cream tonight. He could not bear to see how those beautiful eyes turned downward because the younger could not have his chocolate ice cream._

_When he was back with the ball on his hands, he found the field was empty. The backpacks on the bench were gone and Daniel tried to fight the tears on his eyes because his friends left him. Again. Without saying anything or bidding him goodbyes liked any other friends normally did._

_He did not cry, though. Because his parent taught him to be a strong boy and that crying was only for the weaklings._

_He took a deep breath before taking his own bag and went home._

 

 

 

 

Daniel opened his eyes when the sunlight showered him mercilessly. He stretched his long limbs and groaned when his bones made cracking sound.

He remembered going back late yesterday night after helping Jisung at the café, before Seongwu called him while spurting some gibberish on the other line. He instantly knew something was up with the older guy and went for a thirty minutes drive to Seongwu’s place.

Then his memories became hazy, blurry, and he could not remember anything after that.

Sure, he recalled Seongwu opened his door with his usual stupid grin, but that did not even reach his eyes and Daniel engulfed him in a tight hug. Seongwu offered a can of beer before it turned into two and three and Daniel lost count of how many beer they had last night.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” Seongwu sing‒songed cheerfully as he appeared behind the door and Daniel just realized he was on Seongwu’s room. _Did Seongwu carry him here?_ “You don’t have morning class today, right? I made a ramen just now. Care to join me?”

Daniel scoffed. “Really, _hyung_? Ramen for breakfast?”

Seongwu blinked innocently. “What? There’s nothing wrong with that. As long as it edible and eaten in the morning, it’s still called breakfast.”

“But it’s not so morning right now,” Daniel checked the time on his phone and frowned when it showed 11.29 a.m. “It’s almost noon.”

Seongwu rolled his eyes but there was a playful smirk on his lips. “Come on, I just need one simple answer. So, yes or no, Niel?”

Daniel did not have to answer him, his stomach growled loudly and Seongwu gave him a pointed look.

“Okay, fine, ramen for breakfast. I hope you’ll take full responsibility if I have food indigestion later.”

“Oh, you know I’ll do anything for you, princess,” Seongwu chirped happily and pulled the younger to the dining room.

 

 

 

 

 

_Daniel learnt the name of the little boy. It was Park Jihoon. He was a year younger than him (that made him a second grade elementary school student by default because Daniel was currently in his third years) and he studied at a different school, far from where Daniel’s but their houses were fifteen minutes away by walking. His friendship with Jihoon escalated quickly after their first meeting and Daniel could not even ask for more. He had always wanted a friend to play with._

_Jihoon was different from his friends from school. The younger never left him without any goodbye and never took Daniel’s kind gesture for granted. Daniel had grown fond of the boy in a span of a week and thankfully, Jihoon did not seem to have any problem with Daniel’s level of clinginess._

_“Niel_ hyung _, my mother made too much of galbijjim at home and she was wondering if you can come to my house tonight for dinner,” Jihoon was playing with the hem of his shirt when he looked up to Daniel. “Can you?”_

_If there was another thing he liked about Jihoon, it was Jihoon’s mother home cooked meal. The woman could really make some amazing korean food that Daniel loved and he was so, so thankful because the woman was always kind enough to let Daniel stay at her house for dinner and sleepover._

_“I’d love to, you know I’m always up for free food.”_

_Jihoon snorted, his nose scrunched up at the process and he just looked so adorable, Daniel could not help but ruffled Jihoon’s soft locks._

_“Okay, come to my house at five? Let’s play video games before dinner. Hyeobie taught me a new trick and I’m sure I can beat you this time.”_

_Daniel sneered jokingly. “You’re too young to do that, Jihoonie. But sure,_ hyung _will play easily against you tonight.”_

_Jihoon smacked his arm and Daniel grimaced, the little boy really had some powerful punches at times and he felt his arm started to feel numb._

_“You have to treat me an ice cream if I beat you this time,” he glared at him before his eyes softened and he smiled at Daniel. “See you later,_ hyung _.”_

_Daniel nodded and waved. “See you later, kid.”_

 

 

 

 

 

Seongwu drove Daniel’s back to his place wordlessly.

They had not talked about the reason why Seongwu called him last night but Daniel did not need the explanation if Seongwu did not want to share it with him right now. He had some guesses but Daniel knew he was not in the right place to pinpoint anything, not when he was also the same as Seongwu who always running away from his problems and did nothing about it.

“Niel, we’re here,” the older announced shortly after he parked the car. “Do you mind if I stop by for a while? I really don’t want to be alone at the moment.”

Daniel hummed. He also did not want to be left alone at this moment, especially when a certain boy with cute face and sparkling eyes had been bugging him for the past weeks. “You know you’re always welcomed in my place, _hyung_. What do you want to do, though? I have nothing interesting at my place.”

Seongwu shrugged nonchalantly, a thin smile ghosting on his lips. “We can just chill while watching boring films on Netflix or something. I don’t feel like doing anything either. Relax, dude. We don’t need loud music or expensive wine to enjoying ourselves, alright?”

“Sure,” Daniel smiled, watching Seongwu’s eyes brightened up. “Let’s order fried chicken, then.”

“Sounds better,” Seongwu grinned. “Thanks, Niel.”

 

 

 

 

 

_Growing up meant that some (lots, actually) things were bound to change. Daniel realized that his world began to turn upside down and he saw things from various perceptive._

_Liked, the way the old shop at the corner of his neighborhood looked smaller or the way that school hours were going by so slow when he entered high school. Liked, Math was once his favorite subject but now he could hardly understand it by now and he claimed that art was definitely the best subject in the whole world._

_He had, undoubtedly, grew taller these past few years and Jihoon always complaining to him because he had to bend his neck whenever he had to talk with Daniel. With his recent heights, Jihoon’s head stopped right at his chest but he thought it was perfect. It was nice because when he hugged the younger, he could smell the strawberry shampoo that Jihoon used and patted Jihoon’s head whenever he wanted._

_“Will you ever stop getting taller,_ hyung _?”_

_Daniel cocked his brow smugly. “I don’t think so. I want to keep growing taller, Jihoonie.”_

_Jihoon pouted. “That’s unfair. Why am I not growing taller like you?”_

_Daniel grinned adoringly at the younger. “You’re going to, Jihoon. Just…yours take more time than mine.”_

_“Really?”_

_The older hummed. “You know I’m not the one who breaks my words.”_

_Jihoon then smiled contentedly and Daniel’s heart skipped a beat or two._

_Along with growing up, he also realized that Jihoon’s existence was so important in his life and he had done the biggest mistake by falling in love with his best friend._

 

 

 

 

 

“Niel?”

Daniel turned to look at Seongwu questioningly and the older smiled sheepishly.

“You know Hyunbin from acting major?”

Daniel recalled he had met the said guy before, not too many times but enough for Daniel to recognize him from afar. So he nodded and waited for the older to continue.

“We dated for a week after hooking up at Minki’s party.”

Daniel’s brows knitted together. “Dated?”

Seongwu curled up his lips. “Yeah, as in past tense because we already broke up last night,”

The younger frowned, Seongwu never told him about this before and asked, “Why?”

“He told me that it was a mistake―he said it was not mine but I knew that he was only being nice by saying that. I’m a shitty person, you know?”

Daniel bit his lips. He was sure that was part of Seongwu’s insecurities who talked but he did not know what to say to make the older felt better because Daniel was just as broken and hopeless as Seongwu.

“I don’t know why I’m never enough for anyone,” the older continued, now with tears prickling on the corner of his eyes threatened to fall anytime. “When I had done nothing but submitting myself fully into those relationships, those failed relationships.”

Daniel sighed. “ _Hyung_ ,”

“You know what, I think I’m going to be single all the time in my life because I’m just that suck and annoying,” the older chuckled humorlessly and the first tear fell after that. Daniel scooted closer and embraced Seongwu gently. The body in his hold trembled and Daniel’s heart hurt because his best friend reminded him of the old Daniel.

“Ssh, it’s okay, _hyung_. Everything is going to be okay.”

It was a lie, obviously. But Daniel kept chanting the words liked it was a spell until Seongwu’s ragged breath turned into soft snore and he slowly detached himself to let the older sleep more comfortably.

After putting blanket on Seongwu’s body, he made his way to the bathroom and locked himself in.

He sat on the bath tube and turned on the water. He did not bother to check on the temperature. All he knew that he needed a distraction before he broke down completely into the darkness.

_Jihoon, I missed you._

_I’m sorry for everything._

_You deserve so much better._

It was only when the water in the tube started pouring out, that he finally let himself crying into the silence.

 

 

 

 

 

_Daniel saw the hundreds of messages and missed calls from Jihoon and his other friends but he ignored them all and turned off his phone._

_He did not know how long he had been locking himself in his room. He also could not remember how long he had been sitting on his bed, knees on his chest as he hugged them. The tears he let out days ago were still sitting persistently on the cheeks because he did not bother to wipe them. He knew anyone who looked at him would shower him with pity because the boy was too broken at this point and Daniel did not know if anyone would still want to look at his face without getting annoyed liked his parents did._

Jihoon won’t do that, _his brain supplied._ Jihoon is really care of you.

_A part of himself wanted to see Jihoon, and maybe seeking comfort from the warmth that was Jihoon. The younger would know how to make Daniel felt a lot better but he did not trust himself to come at the younger. He used to do stupid shit when he was too emotional and Daniel just did not want to ruin the only thing that mattered in his universe, Jihoon was way more special than Daniel’s parents who were never at home on his birthdays. They did not even greet him at his special day._

_Outside, he could not hear anything but it was still clear on his mind that in these past few days his home felt liked a hell. His parents were shouting at each other and his name being mentioned in their fights, a lot._

_He was shaking with no one to hold him and his heart squeezed painfully every time he heard loud crashing sound outside of his room._

_He was only fifteen when his parents thought divorcing would end their problem, not Daniel’s._

_“I want to see you,” his voice cracked, hands holding the phone close to his chest. “I missed you so much.”_

_After gathering some of his thoughts and stopping his hands from trembling badly, he turned his phone on and the newest notifications popped up immediately. Some of them were asking if he was fine (he scoffed at the text because how could he be fine when his world crumbled down so fast) and he kept ignoring them until his eyes stopped at the last message from Woojin._

**_From: Woojin_ **

**_Hyung, Jihoon got into a car accident! Please, come to the hospital, he really needs you right now._ **

_Daniel dialed Woojin’s number instantly and the younger picked the call on the first ring._

_“Woojin, what happened to Jihoon?”_

**Author's Note:**

> idk how this will turn out because i'm not specifically good at writing angst tbh lol but i'll try my best!  
> today marks the first year since the boys chosen for wanna one and i just feel emotional because the time flies so fast. everyone had worked hard in the past so i hope even with the remaining time we have, we'll also work hard together, supporting the boys and make everything to be a beautiful memory :)  
> do tell me your honest opinion for this first chapter, or if you're confused or anything, i'll be more than glad to help you.  
> i'll drop my twitter here [here](https://twitter.com/panwinkdeep) and curious cat [here](https://curiouscat.me/winterblossom9699) in case you want to talk privately or even spazzing :)  
> see you around!


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